when Jesus drinks

so thankful for generous friends with comfortable apartments for me to lie down in.
Even ones that are half packed...or close to half.

yet again, writing this from Aprils apartment. have spent the afternoon watching TV here - doin' nothing. boxes and bags full of her stuff packed up. she'll be going to Costa Rica middle of October. looking around here it is becomeing painfully real.
...the fact that she really is leaving. hard thing. difficult thing when people you love, who have become part of the fabric of your life, go away. makes me sad.

sad today. tired. wondering if all this is going to be worth it. it doesnt feel like it right now. it feels a little more like slow dying. i'm loseing my faith in people . talking and talking and talking in circles and i don't even know if this is where i should be. feel as if i'm banging and banging my head against a brick wall - for what??

SO frustrated with people who like to talk talk talk out of thier asses about "the Beloved Community" ad about ideasls- preaching about the beauty of living in community yada yada yada, when the shit hits the fan the talkers scatter like ashes in the wind. when it comes down to the really really hard stuff, the ones who talk the loundest run the farthest away. and it makes me reeeaaaaally friggin MAD. it makes me want to rant and rave and swear. it makes me want to say:

"wow - you big bunch o' hypocrites - you are the kind that probably make Jesus want to drink gin staight outta the cat dish. He is quite a guy to love you in spite of you acting like big, stupid, pompous idiots. Maybe you'd best shut your trap about your high and mighty ideals from now on, unless your prepared to walk the talk. f*&%*ers."

yeah - I'm all about cutting through the crap right now. Believe me when i say - thats it's a big job - cause there seems to be a mountain of crap to cut through around here. big old stinky pile.

and on that happy note.....
peace,
-julia