questions on Community

Changes come
Turn my world around
Changes come
bring the whole thing down

-Over the Rhine
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Yet another bigger transition is coming about in the CW community. I guess we all knew this was a'coming - with the end of the 'year' that I said I would be here - almost upon us. It is no fun here right now, though. But hasnt really been much fun for about 3 months now. Not that things should always be fun. No not at all.

However annoying and disconcerting new changes are, they do bring certain fresh possibilities to the fore - that i did not have much room to entertain before now. ... new questions arising from these shifts....such as:

1) What are the top 5 most important things that I want/need for my life out of living in community with others?
2) What is a sustainable and healthy way for me to live and be in community?
3) What would I do differently (based on the the current experience)? What would remain the same?
4) If I had a choice, who are the people in my life, or who i know, who I would most want to live in longer term community with? Why?
5) What would my ultimate philosophy or vision statement for an intentional community be?
6) How can I live in community in a way that allows me to live naturally and in an unforced manner?
7) What existing intentional community do I most admire? Why?
8) If I were to help form or become part of a new community would I want to practise some form of hospitality? if so, what would that look like?
9) What would my personal non-negotiables be upon forming and living in a community?
10) At this stage in my life how much time (ie. years) would I be willing to commit to another experiment of living in community?
11) How important is it for me to remain in my current neighborhood?

These are a few of the questions that are turning and turning around in my mind. Actually I can't make it stop - no matter how badly I want to. As sick as I am of the word "community" and "intentional" I know I have to figure out whether I want to continue experienting with it or not. Is this a way of life that I am somehow called to. After the sheer craziness that this year has been it is so difficult for me to say.

I know there is a lot of "me" and "my" in the above questions...and the reason for that is - that one of the biggest things I have learned from my time here is that, if your not careful, your identity can become lost is a sea of obligations and "should's" when living in community - in a house of hospitality. It is difficult to maintain a sure sense of self when constantly surrounded by people.

I long for a simpler way of life. A more joyful life. A life with and for others. A life filled with purpose and fuelled by a bigger vision. It seems that community is probably the hardest way for a person to live...but seems that it may be the better way. The way that leads to deeper joy. But I could be deluded.

Some reflections on my experience here:
I know that the major downfall for me about living at the Catholic Worker is the drain on my artisitic & creative nature, and I know now that I can't survive longterm inside a community that is not actively feeding into and focused on creativity in some major way. I realize now that I need some form of artistic accountability....a place that affirms and celebrates art and the artist. I think I need to be part of a community that is focused more on "bieng" rather than "doing"....and than maybe the "doing" would flow out of the "bieng" (??) . I also realize that I need a place that is more concerned with cultivateing real friendship/relationship rather than projects. I think i need a more faith based community. A place where there is more of a commonality of faith expression and more communal prayer that is open somewhat natural an unforced.

Some first thoughts.

Sometimes I think that all I want to do is sit around and play my guitar for a year.

On a farm....where there is a dog....and a labrynthe....and yellow birds.

peace,-jc