the shelter..

Worked another 12 hours at the shelter today.
A whole lot of men.
A whole lot of messy men.

Strangest thing is - i'm completely wierded out by how much I can relate to these guys...

I was saying to Shelley tonight...I think I relate to the self hatred. I almost wince writing it. But it's true.
The only difference between mine and thiers is that mine is dressed up - and I've found ways of copeing with it...manageing it.
In a wierd way it can be a relief for me to spend the day with a group of individuals who have absolutely nothing to prove....or at least...they have no need to keep up a pretense. It frees me to drop my own. Sometimes it's frustrating...but it's real. Often glareingly and painfully real.
And I really like most of them. I really appreciate who they are: strong strong people who don't recognize it.
I think i can honestly say that alot of them are stronger than i will ever be. You have to be to go through the kind of shit that they do and survive...and face each day...and even laugh and talk and...keep going.

One of them told me today that I have gained weight.
oh - the honesty.

must take shower and sleep.
Out
-Julia