To Inspire; to breathe life into

I've been listening to We-haaay too much cbc radio lately with all my freeee time (note that free time doesn't come free). As a result of this I have been hearing some down right inspiring stuff. Some weeks the cbc really nails it on the head (we won't talk about the other times at this juncture). Anyway, if you need some inspiration check these links out.

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Musicians for World Harmony: This incredible organization founded by this incredible individual recently had a project in refugee camps in the Congo with children who were forced to become soldiers and commit unspeakable crimes, many times against their own families. Girls forced to become sex slaves of the military. Through the use of music, musicians and music therapists help the children heal and give voice to their stories through song. You can hear the cbc radio dispatches interview with the founder here. Just scroll down until you see the heading 'Mending Lost Hearts'.

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Joy Apparel: This Toronto based guy makes T-shirts with YOUR face drawn onto it...Here is part of his Mission -

Every face on a Joy T- Shirt has been inspired by a real person. When you wear your shirt you are encouraged to think about that person and how your everyday actions can affect others and the world we live in.

After you buy a t-shirt of some random stranger (who suddenly isn't so random!), then you send in a photo of yourself and someone else will be eventually wearing YOU! He started this company, in part, based on an encounter with a stranger, Mr. Frank Joy, who ended up having a major impact on his life. How inspiring is that??

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Jenn Hadfield, A girl living on the Shetland islands and working as a shop-keeper wins the TS Eliot award for poetry - one of the most prestigious of it's kind. She is the youngest person ever to win it.
Here is a poem she wrote in collaboration with artist Douglas Robertson entitled Daed-traa. (I want to write this poem on my ceiling it inspires me so much.)

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Hope that helped!

note to myself:

music to pick up (at some point soon):
1) Sigur Ros
2) Hawksley Workman - new one
3) Leonard Cohen - specifically - "Famous Blue Raincoat"

Blackout

These are the photos I took of myself in my apartment in the the beginning of the Black out that occurred not long ago in Toronto. The power was out in my apartment for 24 hrs on the coldest day of the year (so far) ! These photos were taken between the hours of 10:30pm and 3am. Hope you enjoy the brief play by play.

First Hour: "Yay, this is fun...I love candles!"

Third hour: "yeah..this..is...fun? All shall be well all shall be well all shall be well..."

Fourth hour:"O mi goodness...I wish I had a Coleman stove...."

fifth hour: "Pretty candles that I wish were electric"
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In conclusion, Here is a list of things to have on hand in the case of a blackout in -28 degrees:

1. candles
2. a flashlight
3. a lighter
   
4. a big fuzzy hat or toque
5. flannel Pyjamas and a big wool sweater
   
6. a hot water bottle
7. double socks
8. a Coleman stove
9. a book to read by candlelight
10. a fire safety handbook
11. long underwear
12. a bottle of Shiraz
13. a camera
14. knitting needles and wool
    

The end.

10 more till 100!

So - it is midnight and I can't sleep. And here I am in blog land.

I just realized now that 10 more posts and my blog will have reached 100 posts total! That is since I started in 2005 (I can't believe I started this thing that long ago....seems like decades ago now). There were a couple of years there where I didn't write much at all...you could say I abandoned blogging in a way. But anyway, I look forward to post number 100!

Some random notes on my life lately and life in general.

- All Obama all the time!! I feel like it's been 24/7 Obama land lately which is kind of weird. I didn't catch the inauguration speech unfortunately, but that morning, I have to admit I did get a tad emotional about the whole affair. Regardless of whether everyone's out-of-control hopes are not lived up to (mine included), it was a bright and beautiful day in the history of the world.

-Guelph, Ontario: Land of white crunchy snow and friendly folks!
I have spent the last 3 days in Guelph as I have been trying to feel it out more and make a decision about taking the plunge and leaving the big smoke for a little city with big heart. This trip has convinced me that Guelph definitely is the place I want to be at this point in my life. It's a breath of fresh air (literally and figuratively). I've already spent quite a bit if time here in the spring/summer and it has been neat seeing it in the winter. I love how strangers say hello, people randomly smile at you, the streets are narrow with old stone houses, and the parks make me want to buy snowshoes! I feel oddly at home here. I am really excited about this change. Hooray!

-I left Facebook! Yes - it's true. I went AWOL. I abandoned ship. I am no longer on Facebook. (Gasp!). I had been thinking about it for awhile, and then, one day as I was looking at photos of a complete strangers New years Eve party, I thought to myself "This is sheer madness". The funny thing about leaving Facebook is that you can't really leave...as soon as you "reactivate" (by logging in again) your account everything is there exactly as it was. It's creepy. What is interesting, too, that almost immediately after I did it I felt a gigantic sense of relief, which I still feel! That's almost embarrassing to admit and I'm not exactly sure what it means. I think, for me, it's the desire for more authentic communication in my life - as bad as I am at it. It's all good...just not for me.

-School application process begins. I am applying for a program offered by Ryerson and The RCM (Royal Conservatory of Music) as an Early Childhood Music Educator. It is a bit precarious as i am technically not qualified...on paper anyway, but have a very good reference backing me up. I feel pretty confident that I can get in the program...but a little nervous about it as well...so we shall see. This also marks a concerted effort, on my part, this year, to make my creative life the major priority. It has been too many years of not doing that.

OKay...hopefully I can sleep now.
Pax,
-jc

Diving Bells and Butterflys and it's COLD.

Is it ever COLD!! My feet are like ice cubes inside my rubber boots!!

It’s a very frigid –18 (that is including wind-chill). I am sitting in the Timothy’s on Roncesvalles drinking my almost cold tea and trying to illegally connect to someone’s wireless connection with no luck – I am able to connect for about 4 minutes and then the blasted Rogers “hot spot” will take over and try to get me to pay 6 bucks for one hour of Internet use…yes you just read that correctly – I said “6 bucks for one hour”. That’s messed up. It makes me wonder why more coffee shops in this city won’t get a little more benevolent and provide some free wireless for their patrons. It seems to me that it would make sense on many levels. But nooooo…this is no Fogo Island, folks. This is Toronto. Where nobody is apt to meet you on the street and invite you in for tea and Hard Tack. No sireee, Bob. Unless of course you are willing to pay the big bucks. It occurs to me right now that this is a fantastic city for people who have a whole lot of money. Yay, Babylon!! Whoops….I mean…Yay, Toronto!!!!

Ummm…I sense this entry is taking a bit of a “down-turn”, to use a phrase that is being thrown around a lot lately. So I’ll change the subject…. to an amazing movie I rented last night called The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. It is based on the book by the same name, written by the (then) editor of Elle magazine, Jean Dominique Bauby, who had a stroke that caused a very rare condition called “locked in” syndrome. It left this highly successful, gregarious man completely paralysed, with the exception of the movement of his left eye. He was also left without the ability to speak or make any sound. The film is made almost entirely from his perspective, so the watcher feels what it might be like to be trapped inside ones own body. You can hear his inner dialogue as he struggles to communicate with the people around him. You would think that watching a movie like this might be completely depressing or morose, and it did have an element of sadness and discomfort, for sure….but it was surprisingly much more hopeful than it was anything else. You could describe the movie as an ode to the power of the imagination – which is the thing that enabled this completely paralysed man to write the book (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly), with help, by blinking his left eye!!! It is truly inspiring in a very realistic, un-cheesy way. After seeing the movie I will be checking the good old Toronto Public Library (or TPL as I like to affectionately call it) for the book ASAP! You, whomever you may be, should see this movie.

Crappy. I just spilt my cold tea all over my leg here in the coffee shop. Classic. Now I have a very cold knee. And now I have cold tea pooled in the bottom of my precious rubber boots!! The nice man mopped it up for me, though. And a kind lady handed me a fist-full of napkins. Awww, maybe the people of Toronto aren’t so bad after all…(wink, wink).

Peace OUT,

-Julia

And now, a few words from Henri

Enough Light for the Next Step
Often we want to be able to see into the future. We say, 'How will next year be for me? Where will I be five or ten years from now?' There are no answers to these questions. Mostly we have just enough light to see the next step: what we have to do in the coming hour or the following day. The art of living is to enjoy what we can see and not complain about what remains in the dark. When we are able to take the next step with the trust that we will have enough light for the step that follows, we can walk through life with joy and be surprised at how far we go. Let's rejoice in the little light we carry and not ask for the great beam that would take all shadows away.

Living the Moment to the Fullest
Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.

-Henri Nouwen
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After reading these little snippets this week, I have to thank my lucky stars for Henri Nouwen. Especially in times like these where I feel overwhelmed with decisions and the temptation is there to be completely preoccupied with the past or with the future. Even if these readings remind me that I am probably the least patient person I know. I am so stinking impatient it is ridiculous. I am only now beginning to realize the deep affects of my impatience on almost every aspect of my life. I am notorious for not being able to wait in line-ups. I would throw full on fits as a kid in restaurants if the food wasn't delivered in 2 seconds. 20 odd years later and not much has changed. but it's not the surface impatience that is the killer...it's the sense in myself that I need to be in the perfect life condition now now now. I need to have some kind of comprehensive plan to fulfill all of my dreams and goals this second. I need to fix all of my weird personality quirks right away. It's only when I have completely burnt myself out by all of the self inflicted demands, that I realize that I'm doing the same thing I did in McDonald's when i was a screaming five year old and had to have that happy meal IMMEDIATELY, or else. So immature.

Sometimes I wish I were some kind of Zen master who knew how to be completely absorbed in the present. Either a Zen master or a three year old. There's got to be some kind of happy medium. Unfortunately I am one of those people Henri described - always trying to 'get away from' where I am.

Reminds me of a dream I had a dream about Henri Nouwen a couple of years ago at a particularly difficult time. He showed up in my kitchen and sat down. I remember in the dream being so relieved to see him and I remember asking him a question...something along the lines of "What should I do about this, Henri?" I remember he just looked at me smiled and shrugged his shoulders. Then I woke up.

So, this will be my mantra for the next couple of weeks until I'm out from under the haze:

Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.

Peace.
-jc

You've just lathered up and.....

..the hot water runs out!!!

That is what just happened to me....actually it happened about a half hour ago. Here is how it went: I'm in the shower, soap all over me and just about to wash the conditioner out of my hair when suddenly the water becomes very very cold. I turn the water off, hoping it is some kind of weird glitch, only to eventually find myself huddled in the bathtub, clutching my knees to my chest, turning the faucet on and off frantically and praying to the shower Gods to let the hot water please come back. It was not to be....at least not yet. Before I continue, let me be clear: I have taken my fair share of cold showers and consider myself to be fairly adaptable to different or harsh environments in that department. I also fully realize that in most places in the world the idea of a hot or even warm shower is but a dream. Nevertheless, for some reason today I just could not bear it....I could not bear being under a freezing cold stream of water.

So, believe it or not, it is now 45 minutes later, the hot water has STILL not come on, and I am wrapped in 2 towels, practically dry, with soap residue encrusted in my hair and all over my body. that is the condition I am in as I am writing this. Sometimes if you don't see the humour in something you might just start crying about it....or throwing a full blown adult fit...which I almost did but then didn't. Yay me!

So for some reason, I felt inspired to blog about this. Maybe it was a good way to kill the time while waiting for the water to heat up (??!!), But i think it was more about an alternative to throwing a fit.

Happy Sunday...and may all your showers be forever hot!

Feliz Navidad!

Holy COW - It's almost Christmas!!

Hard to believe that Christmas 2008 is literally around the corner. It is the evening of the 23rd and I am doing my usual procrastination. This particular time I am putting off wrapping gifts and packing up my bag for my trip to Newfoundland tomorrow. I also have a sink full of dishes to do....and clothes to fold and put away...and a floor to sweep...and garbage to put out yada yada. Yikes that all reminds me that I should probably make a "to do" list.

It is a wild, wintery wonderland out there, which is kind of nice, and somewhat problematic for those of us flying any distance. I am hoping that my flight to St. John's does indeed end up leaving tomorrow on schedule, but we shall see I guess. I'm really looking forward to seeing family in Newfoundland, and actually being there as it has been awhile for me.

Christmas has really crept up on me this year...2 days ago I was like "oh yeah, Christmas this week...weird!" There has been so much going on in my brain that Christmas didn't even have a chance. I was thinking yesterday about how this time last year I was knitting like a mad-woman. I made the reeeeeaaaally dumb decision to knit all my gifts. Christmas tip #1: Never decide to knit all your Christmas gifts a month before Christmas. Never again. All that to say that this year could not be any more different.

Last night Don and I had our own version of Christmas dinner here (with chicken instead of Turkey) which I am still full from. It was delicious....thanks to Don. While he was cooking (the entire meal - poor thing!) I was braving the crowds at the mall. Christmas tip #2: Don't ever go to the mall between 5 and 8pm on Dec.22. Never again. Anyway, after I went to the gym tonight I came back and had some of the left-over scalloped potatoes from last night. So so good. So much for working out!! We also baked cookies last night which will be my Christmas gifts this year to family and friends. I am like that one weird, ghetto relative who gives people Tupperware containers full of hard cookies, or some knitted thing for Christmas. It actually makes me laugh out loud. Another thing that makes me laugh out loud is the fact that it took 2 hours to finish baking all the cookies since I only had one tiny cookie sheet. Soooo funny.

Anyway....that's it for my rambling, random Christmas entry for this year.
For anyone who may be reading - I wish a very very Merry Christmas to you and yours....
and happy new year, too!!

See you in 2009.
-Julia

Hello Ladies and Gentleman, dogs and cats...whatever.

I am back from the tropics straight into disgust-oid (yes, that IS a word I made up) land of November's cold rain, grey sky's and Ontario blah-ness. O joy. Got back about 2 weeks ago.

Axel Rose is a fool....November rain is not sweet. It is shitty.

Anyway...yet again, due to my stellar planning abilities, my life is hanging in mid-air, somewhat aimless and waiting to see a clear way ahead. Or at least a way...any kind of way. No me gusta. I have options in front of me one of which may possibly involve me going back to Costa Rica for a year, but waiting on confirmation or non-confirmation. In the meanitime I am again participating in the exciting territory of the job-search. Those of you who have been there can relate to how much of a majot pain in the ass it is. But, alas, there you have it. There are other major life decisions pending which I don't really feel at liberty to discuss on the blog, but which are life altering as well. All of this seems to be happening at the same time which requires me to have to figure out major life shite in a relatively short period of time. It's been a reeeeeally weird and disorienting 2 weeks for me to say the least. I feel like a scrambled egg right now when I need to be feeling decisive, resolute and sure..... Sunny Side UP. Heh heh. Not happening. I hated scrambled eggs as a kid. Still do. They make me want to gag.

To add to life's curve ball insanity these days, a friend of mine is also getting hitched next week, which is great, but also makes me "the last woman standing" of my closest friends. Yes, that's right, I am the very last un-married one of them. I feel like I deserve a trophy, a giant ribbon, or at least some kind of recorded applause (insert here). I imagine, within a short period of time I will be the very last child-less one of them as well. More fun times for me to look forward to. For whatever reason, at this point in time, the whole business makes me want to move to Bangladesh and never come back. And in all seriousness, I am fighting the urge to do just that...OK - maybe not Bangladesh, but some place where I can start new, where no-one knows me and I don't have to carry around the baggage of "Julia, the un-married childless one."

It's in times like these that I wish I were a man.

I also wish I were swinging in a hammock next to the Caribbean sea.

BArf.

-Julia

Still in Central America...

I have been such a baaad blogger.

It is hard to believe that it is the end of October, and here I am in a teeny tiny mountain town smack dab in the middle of Costa Rica. I was actualy supposed to be back in Toronto but decided to delay my ticket for a month. So now i will be headed back up North on November 12. My connection to the internet right now is a little precarious, so this one will be short.

I have been loving my time while at the same time feelng a lot of conflict about my life. Not really wanting to come back into the high speedland. Things are so different here. So much slower and open to simple enjoyment of life. It has been difficult being the alien and suddenly I have a lot of empathy for people who come to Canada from other countries, not knowing the language and feeling very much the foreigner. Nonetheless, it is an interesting and inspireing thing being confronted with a completely different way to live. The natural beauty here shakes me everywhere I turn..although I do find myslef getting used to it.
I am now going to go out to drink muchas cervezas. Aiiiiiiie!
(Que Dios Queire.)

con carino,
julia

The view para aqui...

Some random pics for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

Hola mi amigos!!

Hello from Costa Rica!!!

I am currently writing you from the Spanish school in Tuis where I am taking lessons. I am in my second day of spanish school and homestay and feel like I´m in an alternate universe. Even still, I am just as in love with this place as I was the first time...and getting to know the people and the language only increases my affection for it. Speaking of affection....there is a TON of it here!! It is amazing to see how openly demonstrative people are with one another when greeting each other and relateing to each other. I can see why people here would come to Canada would think we were a bunch of cold people. With the exception of Newfoundland of course (heh heh).

My host family are incredible people and so gracious and generous it is staggering. It is a full and active house and I love playing with thier two younger sons. Marcos is 14 and Antony is 10. I have a feeling I will learn more of the language from them than almost anyone else!! They are helarious. Gattica is my host mother and also works here and the school. She is one of the hardest working people I think I have ever met. I will be staying here in Tuis with my host family for the next two weeks and I am very excited about it despite the language barrier. It defineately makes things more interesting.

Last week I stayed with April and her husband Tony. April and I took a trip to a beatiful town called ´La fortuna´ which is home to one of Costa Rica´s active volcano´s, Arenal. We stayed at an incredible resort which was quite literally at the base of the volcano!! We also went to ¨the Baldi Hot Springs" which is one of the most amazing experiences ever. I would try to explain it but it deserves it´s own entry for sure. One word: WOW.

Just a short side note that will make some of laugh quite hard: Since Tony (Aprils husband) is a personal trainer I am attending the gym regularly. Yesterday I was actually lifting wieghts with April, in a gym full of reasonably large latino men pumping major iron. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I am definately breaking new ground here. Tony is convinced that he can transform my body in as little as 15 days!! I am not so convinced...but - hey - Por que no?

I will be uploading some pictures as soon as I get a chance. Believe me when I say that you will be blown away and want to hop on the next flight here.

I´m sure there is a whole lot that I am omitting. Ah well. Stay tuned for pictures!!

Dios le Bendiga!!
hulia

ps - for those of you spellers out there, lo siento (I´m sorry), but the connection here is slow and I am not willing to wait to check! Peace!

The journey begins...

Hi friends, family and random people who check my blog.
Just a note that the central American travelling will be underway in less than 24 hrs!
I will be updateing my blog periodically with updates and maybe a few pics if yer luck! ;)

So...feel free to check up.

LET THE FUN BEGIN!!!
-Julia

life in dreams

I've been having dreams lately that are seeping in and through my days. They are strange dreams that carry strange feelings with them even through my waking hours. I try to shake them but to no avail. It happens often...and sometimes it's great if the dreams are good....but when they are strange it's like they cast a strange haze over everything I do and everywhere I go. It's super duper annoying. It's even more annoying when I can only remember random parts of them that have no connection with any other parts. It's like getting snippets of a full-length movie and trying really hard to piece it together without success.

Even as I write this I don't really want to go to bed because of all the weirdness I fear I will have to confront shortly. Sometimes I feel like my dream world is more real that my actual life. Which reminds me of the movie 'Waking Life' which I loved so much when I first saw it that I spent hours writing out huge chunks of the dialogue in my journal, pressing the pause button on the DVD to make sure I got every word.

I wonder if my strange dreams lately have to do with the fact that I am leaving on Monday for Costa Rica and my subconscious is preparing for the fact that I am soon to be thrown into an entirely different reality. I realize that sounds kind of Jungian and freaky, but, what can I say? I live in a rather Jungian and freaky world a lot of the time. As i think about it, I really have felt in a bit of a haze lately. The line between waking and dreaming isn't so clear. Here but not here. Nowhere land soon to be somewhere completely different land.

I really hope i get it together to do all the last minute shite I have to do tomorrow. I'll be standing in the line to renew my health card at 8am. Oh joy. Should go to bed.
peace out.

by the way

Isn't this the cutest little gee-tar ya ever did see? She may not sound as sweet as she looks, but she has palm trees's, and thats what counts.

Central America Bound!!

Finally, I have made a decision about travelling - headed to Costa Rica in 2 weeks time! I'll be there for a month and a half, mostly hanging out with April, learning some spanish, hanging out with the people in Tuis and doing some travelling around Costa Rica and maybe another country, time permitting. I am really looking forward to being in a totally different environment, the slower pace of life, and being able to spend some solid time with April again. The pictures are from last year when we were there for April's wedding. The picture below was taken at the pre-wedding party that April and Tony had at thier place. I will never forget the taste of those re-fried beans as long as I live! No joke! The first photo is of the village of Tuis where April works, and where we lived while we were staying in Costa Rica. It is a beautiful lush place with equally beautiful people. I am getting really excited about the trip...if a tad stressed out about stuff I need to do before I go. Yikes.

I also feel a little worried about the pile of questions that will be facing me upon my return. No steady job, a potential move lurking, and I feel kindof ruderless in terms of how I should orient my efforts when I get back. Classic "me", to be thinking about that when i am two weeks away from leaving on an extended vacation. It's ridiculous to not be living in the present, but these things are a reality nonetheless. There are, and will be, many things hanging in the balance and I hope that I am up for dealing with it all when I get back.

Anyway, thats what up with dat! Costa Rica - get ready - hulia is comin' to town. Yeee-ha!

Down the gorge...

....in a tube is a true metaphor for life. That's me in the yellow helmet staring straight at the rocks I'm about to crash into. A moment after I had repelled myself from those rocks I was floating in a veritable serene paradise. Five minutes after that I was rushing down a large rapid, got thrown right off my tube into the rocks, caught in a massive current that was taking my with it and swallowing me. I thought I was going to die. Three minutes after that I was back up on my tube, bobbing down a sluggish and smooth current, observing some baby ducks, as if my near death experience a mere 5 seconds earlier had never even happened! A version of this pattern repeated itself many times over, as we were floating down the Elora Gorge in our tubes. I also got stuck in many a side pool, my big tube literally pushed outside of the current and spinning me in circles - not moving even an inch forward. Numerous times I had to get someone else to pull me back into the current.

It was a few weeks ago now that I went tubing down the Elora gorge with Kate Rob and Don, but i started to think about it again recently. The times of sweet serenity in life seem to be so quickly and almost rudely interrupted by "life"...either pushing me outside the current that I find myself spinning and spinning in circles, or throwing me around so that I can barely breath and feel like the end is just around the corner...but no, around the corner is bliss and ducks...until the next thing gets thrown at me. Lately I can most relate to the 'spinning in circles' - not being able to get anywhere despite all my efforts, and watching everyone else pass by at an enjoyable pace, in their tubes, bobbing along and loving life.

So that's it for the cheesy life metaphor. You can breathe a sigh of relief. Until I find some other random thing to compare to life.

So my summer has been ambling along slowly. I decided to stop panicking about the fact that I have no idea where to travel and my life feels like it's hanging in a giant balance. I decided to just try and enjoy my summer and not put any more pressure on myself to have anything "figured out". It's a hard thing for me not to get anxious....I think it's a genetic thing passed down to me from generations of sea people wringing their hands while looking out to sea and always waiting for a boat to come in. That's my half-baked theory. Anyway, I digress. It's summer, and it's great as every morning I think about getting up and the panicky feeling starts to rise, somehow, It just fades away, during the making of a smoothie, and I end of enjoying my days - more or less. It's like an art, learning how to ride the tension. Surprisingly, I've been enjoying the Toronto Summer, when I've been there. It's nice to feel like a tourist in the city, and not be bogged down by work stresses. It's so fun to be free to go wherever I want, whenever I want! A beautiful feeling. I've been loving Dufferin Grove Park, the Harborfront festivals, the Lakeshore, Toronto Island, and cruising around on my bike checking out my favorite city spots....oh - and drinking Heineken in Christie Pitts - so fun!!!

I also spent a little over 2 weeks in Ottawa, taking in the jazz festival which was amazing, and just hanging out with family and checking out the old stomping grounds. It was good times.
I'm writing this from the farm in Guelph, after spending the weekend with Don's family. Next weekend I'll be back to go to the Hillside Festival. More good music. Yay.

Hope everyone has been enjoying the summmmmmmer.
Peaceo.

City Mouse...

Sooooooo,

I am again back in Toronto after being in Elora and Guelph again over the past 5 days. I have been back for approximately 7 hours and will be re-packing my bags and headed back on the greyhound bound for Ottawa tomorrow morning for another week or more to hang with my parents and take in some Jazz festival. I am almost dizzy from all this back and forth and whizzing around! I am very excited to hear Chick Corea for the first time live, and also Brad Meldau (for the second time)!!! Amazing that I will be hearing these two people live within the SAME WEEK! Wow. I'm pumped.

As could have been predicted, I have been thinking way to much about the country vs city thing over the past month or so, since I have been spending a lot of time on the farm and in (and around) Guelph. As soon as I start to visualize myself actually living in the country, or even in a smallish town the panic sets in and I start thinking thoughts such as this one: "How the heck do you think a city girl like yourself will hack it out here in the middle of winter, or any time of the year, for that matter, when you can't just hop on a street-car and head to your favorite sushi place?! Do you really think you will get busy canning pickles or darning socks or forming a quilting bee?! Get real!!"
And I have to give that thought some serious cred. It's true that I have become so accustomed to the excess of city living that I don't think I am even fully aware of how dependant I am on the little things - that actually end up amounting to a lot. Here is why I am the ultimate city person:

-I have early memories of sitting on benches in the middle of the busiest sections of the the city with my mom, eating ice cream, and making up scenarios about the lives of all the people rushing by. It is one of my favorite young memories.

-I am 32 years of age (deep breath) and do not have a drivers licence. Yes, this means that I have relied on public transit my entire life. I am slightly proud of myself for this (much to my family's bewilderment) ...but the only way I could have done this is by living in a place big enough to sustain a working transit system. Yup, you got it: a CITY.

-I have actual dreams about Istanbul and New York.

-I started eating Donair's, Fallafel's, jamaican patties, Gnocci's with Pesto, Poutine (god help me), and Shwarma's when I was still in grade school. I am not Greek or Lebanese or Italian. I thought that people who had never tasted hummus were totally weird.

-For most of my life, up until my recent burn-out from working at a homeless shelter, one of my favorite things to do was to head downtown and chat up the panhandlers.....not so much anymore. (understatement).

-I spent 3 weeks deeply exploring the city of Paris, France and felt I had only just skimmed over the top. And for a person like myself, I was probably right.

-I like to walk or bike down some city streets with no place to go or no goal in mind...just cause. This remains one of my favorite pastimes. I was under the impression that most people enjoyed doing this...and have recently learned this is not the case.

-I spend a fairly large chunk of my life in various coffee shops. I like my Americano long. The people at the Portuguese bakery know my "thing" for custard tarts. Yikes.

-If I wanted to I could go for weeks without doing groceries. Especially if I hit up China town on a regular basis. Ye-eah!

-When I am bored I window shop...really that only means looking in store windows and rarely walk in them. I like to do it at a fairly fast pace.

-I can maneuver my way through a giant crowd on a busy sidewalk like nobody's business. Seriously. I should probably be ashamed, but I secretly think it's pretty cool.

I'm on a roll with this list, and could go on and on but I'll cut it there before I really disgrace myself. Actually, it's not even that I see these things as bad, necessarily. They are the fabric of my life and I love many, even most, aspects of my life in cities. I feel that the city has been the teacher of my most valuable life lessons. City's are so messy, and busy and scary and lovely and gritty all at once. Cities are white lights at night, and music, and food smells, dancing and sadness and crowds.....

Cities are....sitting under a tree watching a little girl chasing a red balloon in the park
hearing the street car bell, seeing the tennis ball crack against the racket while eating Roti and squinting into the sun.

Cities are beautiful.

Can this city person try another way?
Stay tuned....

Yours to Discover

Back in the blogosphere.
Back in the smogosphere.

Back from 10 + days wandering around southern Ontario. I have been in Guelph, Kitchener, Wingham, Lucknow, Goderich and a few little towns in between!

Actually most of those days were spent on Ignatius CSA organic farm just out side of Guelph - visiting Don who is an intern there. I have been officially done work for a month and a day and finally, my nerves are beginning to settle a bit. I think 10 days in the country helped out with the "unwinding". I have to say I felt a certain amount of guilt as I was lazing around, swinging in hammocks, reading, taking leisurely walks in the fields, picking wild flowers, while Don and the other interns were slaving away in the fields all days squashing potato bugs, weeding, planting and sweating.

Last weekend we headed to Guelph Lake and watched the dragon boat races and splashed around in the water a bit. We headed into town and went to our favorite store called "the family store" which is the wackiest sally-annish used "stuff" store I've ever been in. It has everything from stuffed, mounted animals to old baseball cards to live budgies for sale...the place has everything weird and wild. They even host bands there, too! Love it. We stopped in at the Albion one evening and drank too much beer after eating too much ice cream and then had a harrowing bike ride back to the farm...I had to squint to see the white line...thanks to the moonlight we made it back without any damage!

Guelph is steadily growing on me. It is small but but lovely with a little grit and a lot of heart. It feels more and more like a refreshing alternative to big city living. Toronto, I am realizing, often makes me feel all clenched up and tight - in mind and body. I have started to accept the fact that i need space both literally and figuratively. I see the truth of my 'slow-ness' more and more. I'm starting to see that maybe it is not the bad thing i have always thought it was.

I made a trip to Kitchener to visit the Halls which was great fun. I got to see little Kathryn graduate from her swimming group "Sea Turtles". She will become a "Salamander" next and is super pumped.. I also got to see Simeon in the early stages of walking!!! He looks like a little
e-wok....super cute.

I went from Kitchener back to Guelph and then we drove out to Wingham to attend the wedding of don's family friend. The ceremony was on one of the most beautiful farms I have ever been on. The Farm house built on a hill over looking rolling green hills as far as the eye can see. I walked through grass up to my waist and stood looking over the grazing sheep and the ocean of rolling green....it literally took my breath away.

On Sunday I helped Don and Carol hoe her garden (which is huge!) and we drove out to Goderich with Don's folks and spent the afternoon at the beach next to the salt mine. The waterfront is on lake Huron and is a really beautiful spot where they have built a long boardwalk along the beach. Don and I drove back to Guelph in the evening surrounded by lightning storms on either side of us!

This morning i got on the bus back to the city at 7am! Feel a little bit of trepidation upon entering back into the city...but looking forward to future travelling adventures! I think I am ready to tackle Ireland, Germany, Turkey...i think!

I'll update my plans on that front...

And there ends Julia's Ontario adventures (for now).
Peace OUt!

songs and things....

lyrics to a new song. Voila.

-----------------------------------------------------
Have you grown tired
of living in tight and tiny spaces?
It's been some years
of putting on tough and fighting faces.

I did not want to talk about it
I did not mean to sing about this
But maybe it's time for giving in a very different way
maybe it's time for giving in a very different way

And can you hear the silent longing
emanating out from all things?
It says:
"You can do anything you want....you can do anything you want."

Can you look out
and see the way the wind blows through the grasses?
Now is your chance
to run out there and play before it passes.

And i did not want to talk about it
I did not mean to sing about this
But maybe it's time for living in a very different way

And can you hear the silent longings
emanating out from every single thing
It says:
"You can do anything you want....you can do anything that you want."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote this 2 days ago. It just slipped right out of me and it was nice to have written a new song on the guitar. I've been a little (maybe more than a little) preoccupied with my accordion as of late, which has been so great, but it's good not to be neglecting the guitar altogether. I feel like it is a song sung by me - for me, as I am right on the cusp of leaving the shelter and embarking on travelling and doing...um...stuff?? It is a strange feeling - this in between-what-the-heck-will-i-do-next feeling, but I do feel ready for it.

And speaking of new adventures, Don left for his farming internship in Guelph a few hours ago. I feel like i'm floating on the surface of a big sadness...but it's not like we won't be seeing each other often. I think I'm a bit nervous about the potential loneliness of being in the city and not having his constant steady companionship....and all of the uncertainty of what the future will bring....it's a lot. I imagine I will become a crazy accordion geek and drive the whole neighborhood completely insane with all my jigs'n'reels. Ah well. They'll survive!

And I'll leave it at that.