temporary new blog alert

hi...

Here is a temporary new blog.

Check it out

www.juliacancershmancer.blogspot.com

pax,
-jc

Tale of 2 cities....

So I'm not sure if I mentioned this earlier but I've been living in two cities - Guelph and Toronto. For the most part I've been living in Toronto (at least lately) even though my "home" technically speaking is in Guelph. This means that I exist in a very strange in between world which contains a lot of commuting and feeling somewhat displaced no matter where I am. There are a lot of pros to this situation - namely that I get to do work that I love, I get to live both rural and urban, I get to spend time with friends in the city and maintain connections here. The downsides are the ones I've been thinking more about lately....

The major down-side: being apart from "The Donald" (a.k.a - the fiancee) for extended periods of time. Being away from "Kitty" (a.k.a fatso katso) for extended periods of time also sucks. It so happens that the past couple of months I have been in Toronto for major pro-longed stretches and haven't been in Guelph much at all. I think in the past month I have probably spent 4 or 5 days there scattered. This is starting to get me down. It's not so much being away from "Guelph" but being away from my own bed, my books, my cat, the back deck, my bike, my full wardrobe...that sort of thing.

I was talking to a friend about this today...the fact that I've been missing the normal day to day routine of living together and am looking forward to a time when I won't be constantly juggling my time between 2 places. It's gotten to the point where i feel like my "rolling travel bag" is like an appendage. It's rather pathetic. Maybe I should start wearing a fanny pack everywhere I go and become a 'perpetual tourist'.

So that's all on this topic.
10-4
-jc

She's getting....

...Hitched!

I don't think many people, if any, read this thing anymore - but what the hay - I thought I'd give the report anyway. The unimaginable has happened....Julia is getting married. To this guy:

The Donald.

It's totally anti-climactic in many ways since we've been together for 5 years and some (?) and have been living together for 2 (or more?) in the booming metropolis of Guelph. I'm not good with dates....or time lines. In any case, the date is set and we'll be officially tying the knot next summer outside (weather permitting) on the Ignatius Centre property in Guelph on the same land where Don farms. It's a very beautiful place that holds a lot of meaning for both of us.

It feels weird to say that we are "engaged", although I guess that is what we are. I think i feel strange around it because it seems way too traditional or "old-school" in my mind for some reason. It also co notates a state of waiting for that 'big day where suddenly we begin a life together', which seems strange since we are already well along that path. I feel like the day we get married is another step on a journey we've already undertaken. A significant one - but not to be overshadowed by all the decisions, compromises - both large and small, celebrations, responsibilities etc, that we've already experienced and gone through together.

In some ways, the whole experience of deciding to do this has made me more aware of the ways that our culture has completely over-blown and romanticised marriage. Starting with the wedding. Yikes - it's a zoo! I never knew there was, like, one BILLION wedding blogs out there! One thing that makes me laugh is the "engagement photo". What the??!!?? Since when was this a thing??!! Super cheesy poses of couples kissing under a tree, and on a bridge, and next to a horse, and on a swing, feeding the ducks etc etc etc. BARF!!! Who cares!!!!

Sooooo very CHEESY. (Sorry for the all caps. Couldn't help it). And all the super hip wedding bloggers drive me just as crazy - if not more....I dunno - I guess it's all a little much.

Anyway, all the marketing weirdness has made me really have to stop and consider what it really means...for me...and for us. It can be hard to strip all the hoop-lah away and get to the crux of it. I know for me it's important that I make a public commitment to Don. And it's also about the important people witnessing it...I know I need those things. It's about more than this but in ways that are deep and hard for me to articulate at this point.

To be sure - there will be more venting about this topic in the year ahead. Oh joy.

-Julia

BallyHack

The BallyHack is the name of a small boat owned by my grandparents at thier summer home in Newfoundland. I spent many very happy hours in this little boat. Some of the happiest in my memory.

A Dream:
Last night I dreamt that I was in the Ballyhack again - it was a new and improved version....very shiny. I was in it with my Father and Mother and we were going to take it for a spin. My Father was driving, and I crawled into a space at the front of the boat. The boat started to go and I felt more exhilarated that I've felt in years...pure euphoria. It was a very very bright and beautiful day. I moved to the back of the boat and watched the wake...and relished in each bump the boat took as it ricocheted against the waves. Suddenly, the boat began to lift right off of the water and started flying through the air! It was as if it suddenly became a great bird and took us on the most breathtaking tour of the coast - at times swooping and flying low just above the water, and at times flying almost into the clouds.
It was a beautiful dream.

Louisiana nights

Sitting in my backyard. It's 10:30 pm and it smells just like Baton Rouge. It's that thick moist smell. The air just hanging, dead calm...and it's like I can smell the leaves on the plants....I don't know....but it smells just like Louisiana did at night.
Makes me ache for the deep south. Makes me long for a really long road trip, or plane ride or train ride.

yup - I've got that travel bug....bigtime.

I think I'm just restless after spending a month relaxing in Guelph.

I'm also thinking of my friends....Kate just left on a major Europe adventure, complete with 3 young children, and they are all probably having a picnic in some France countryside right now.
April is in Costa Rica, where she has been for awhile now, but I think of her and wish I were there experiencing the wonder of that place with her - drinking coffee in her new house on the hill. I do miss it. Jacob just came back from months in Africa. Then there are some of my fellow bloggers - Lisa globe trotter extraordinaire - and Esther playing her Ukulele in Korea. I suppose, when I think about it, people I know are periodically scattered all over the globe. I wish sometimes I could scatter myself all over the globe, experience the bounty of beautiful moments that only travelling can bring, and then just come back when I need to. That would be sweeeet.

Then again, maybe it's just restlessness that needs to be patiently dealt with and worked out of me. Who the heck knows?

Anyway - this was a bit of a rambling post. Whatev.

Peace to all near and far.

Narrative

So I know that in an era of twitters, smart phones and whatever else - blogging is slowly fading away into the technological past....but I will not surrender. No sir. Not me:

"I will still use a pen and pencil, I will still write in a journal that is just for my own eyes, I will still play cassette tapes, I will still use an embarrassing email address that I have had since I was 19 (Am I that old?), I will still use a human bank teller occasionally (OK - that one is a lie)....and yes, I will still blog!!!! Thank you, thank you very much."
[Insert crazy applause and moving orchestral arrangement here.]

So...do you ever feel like your life has lost it's narrative....or narrator...or any kind of of plot, sequence, structure, or...umm...point? I've been feeling like this the past few days. This is partly due to the end of 8 months of a nomadic lifestyle and somewhat feverish activity. Some people thrive on this, but all the activity, although much of it truly amazing, has left me feeling exhausted, scattered and without a cohesive "story-line". I am realizing more and more that I am someone who really needs time to process my experiences. Or else it all starts to feel like randomness. Too much randomness and I start to like a dismembered body...all my limbs floating around in search of each other. I struggle to root myself - and fight against it at the same time. I probably just have a bad case of ADHD. Heh heh.

Here's what I've been up to:

• My internship with Jumblies Theatre in Toronto extended until the beginning of June. It was a truly inspiring experience working with so many incredible, talented artists....and so many diverse communities. I learned SO much. It deserves it's own blog posting.

• Spent a week in Ottawa with the folks. Visited Ottawa peeps - great time.

• Came back and spent 2 more weeks in Toronto touring a Community arts play with Arts4All: "It Happened in My Apartment". A musical play based on true stories of people living in a Toronto community Housing building. Complete with beautiful puppets! I was in heaven!

• Came back to Guelph for 4 days and then took off for a week of camping in Bon Echo Park. Survived very close run ins with bears. Very exciting.

• Returned to Toronto to complete a 2 week intensive course for my 'Early Childhood Music Education' Program at the RCM. This course was great, but in a word: 'Intense'.

So I am actually back in Guelph. Sometimes I have forgotten where I live in the midst of everything. The reality is setting in right now as I listen to the cicadas, observe the tomato plants growing and watch the birds chase each other. Life is about to slow down.

Anyway, that's my update. I'll probably have more time to blog over the next little while....I am hoping.

Peace,
-jc

Insecurities = Boo.

Claiming the Sacredness of Our Being....
Are we friends with ourselves? Do we love who we are? These are important questions because we cannot develop good friendships with others unless we have befriended ourselves.

How then do we befriend ourselves? We have to start by acknowledging the truth of ourselves. We are beautiful but also limited, rich but also poor, generous but also worried about our security. Yet beyond all that we are people with souls, sparks of the divine. To acknowledge the truth of ourselves is to claim the sacredness of our being, without fully understanding it. Our deepest being escapes our own mental and emotional grasp.

*************************************

The above quote comes attcha' from Henri. J. Nouwen....source of all wisdom...or at least, a whole lot of it. I post this today as a reminder to myself, mainly because over the last 2 weeks I have had a really difficult time doing just this - that is - "claiming the sacredness of my being". I guess it's normal, but as I have been venturing out of my comfort zone lately into new and relatively uncharted territory in work and life, although inspiring at times, it has also brought out some of my deep insecurities. I have found myself lately thinking things such as "I am so bad at this...I am not as good as so-and-so...why do I even bother...I am so fat...I am so unaccomplished...I haven't done enough in life...what's the point...this is probably just a dumb idea...". The list goes on and on and on and on. There is just a lot of self consciousness happening that is really hindering me in enjoying things. And that bothers me. It's the demon of perfectionism creeping in. AAAAaaarrrg. It sometimes stifles every creative urge that I have. No good.

"Our deepest being escapes our own emotional grasp."
I think this really is the crux of the issue. I am mostly completely out of touch with my essential essence. It's a total mystery to my adult self. The only time I may have been slightly aware of it was as a very young child. And then.."poof"....it's gone.

Speaking of which: Today, as I was preparing for a class drinking a coffee I was observing 2 little girls playing total imagination games with each other. At one point they were playing "Dentist" and the one little who was the dentist girl says to the other "Wow - look at your tooth I just pulled out! So Yellow - you really need to come and see me more often" Then she held up the imaginary tooth for the other little girl to see, and she stared at the invisible thing, and as if it was totally real she exclaims "Wow - I see what you mean. Reeeeally yellow!"

I'm not sure what exactly it was about that exchange, but it made me really wish that I was 4 again and absolutely wrapped up in the moment, and not in my weird little inferiority complex.

Anyway - that is my thought for the day. totally
peace out.
-jc

Do it now

Hi! I'm back in the blogosphere after a very long hiatus. The photo above was taken by a friend of mine....he found it painted on a wall. Anyway, this will be my mantra for the coming year. And I feel that, so far, I have been pretty successful!

News Update: I am currently doing a 4 month internship with an amazing Theatre company in Toronto focused on community arts. The Theatre company is called Jumblies Theatre. It has been a very busy and extremely inspiring 2 months for me. After many years of trying to find truly meaningful work that does not burn me out, suck me dry, or leave me bored and bereft of creativity I feel like I'm finally in a place where the pieces of my somewhat insane life experience actually fit. It is a rather euphoric experience!

In addition to the internship I am also in school for Early Childhood Music Education. Busy times.

For those of you who may be wondering, yes, I am still technically based in Guelph, but I am splitting my time between the big city and the small city right now. This means that I spend a giant chunck of my time on buses or some other form of transit. But it's worth it, and also really nice to be able to escape the mad frantic pace of life in the big T dot. For example, not having to deal with getting through crowds of pedestrains staring at thier iphones is a nice break. Toronto's newest epidemic is the iphone. Arg.

So, this was my somewhat boring news update.
I leave you with the quote that bears repeating:

You don't need TIME
and perfect conditions
Do it now
Do it today
Do it for 20 minutes
And watch
Your heart....Start....Beating.

later skaters,
-Julia

33 in Guelph, ON.

It's 3pm on Friday afternoon and I am sitting in the Red Brick Cafe in Downtown Guelph. Get this - the place has FREE WIRELESS!! Can you believe it??!! Wahooo!

I feel like I've just won the jackpot.

So, I thought I'd try and give a more thorough update on my life since I've been so lackadaisical about it as of late. I have to defend myself though, by saying that not having the Internet has made me lazy about many things, not just blogging. Hopefully I will get my butt in gear and get it soon.

So the first news of the day is....that I turned the dreaded...get ready for it...33 years old this week!! Sweet Mother of God!! 33 years old. Holy Crap. I would put some expletives in here as well...but I think y'all get the point. How can I be nearing my mid thirties when in many ways I still feel like I'm twelve??? What the?! Will I always feel like I'm twelve?? Reminds me of when I was holding a 3 month old infant on my knee yesterday, and he was all slumped over having just fallen straight to sleep, and I was struck with how much he reminded me of an old man. Life is so unreal that way...we return just as we came: bald, tiny, dependant, diapered and slumped over. I wonder if it's God's funny little joke to him/herself.
And on that happy note.....I just spilt my coffee over my keyboard. Arg.

Guelph: small city or mid-sized town?

My answer: Mid sized town.
Maybe I'm a bigg(er) city snob, but there is no way that this place can be classified as a "city". Yes, it's a fun town that has a decent bookstore - two actually, a few good coffee shops, some great restaurants, a library, a little downtown and cool stuff going on....but it is most definitely NOT a city. My guess is they call it a city because of the suburb sprawl that has accumulated at a very fast rate over the past ten years. But that's what it is: suburb - not city. I don;t care if it has 115,000 people living here. Most of them live in a suburb. And the downtown core where I live, is the center of a mid-sized town with a University - not a city. Doesn't the word "city" conotate "urban"?? Why do the miles and miles of suburb classify as "city"? I'm not sure why this distinction gets to me...it just does. But I guess the same can be said for a lot of other places in the GTA, namely, BRAMPTON (God, what a horrible horrible place). I think that there should be a rule that suburbs should be called something else...like...."Lego pre-fab ugly as sin housing next to (insert name of mid-sized town here)". Yeah.

Sorry for the tangent. It's hard to put into words in a blog what has been happening to me since I moved to Guelph. Some of the most obvious things are the feelings of being surrounded by the natural world. Tree's seem so generous and all pervasive here. And birds are tweeting everywhere and so much more noticeably then anywhere I have lived before. You drive or ride your bike a little ways in a certain direction and you are literally surrounded by fields and forests. It's amazing to me and has been slowly shifting my way of being. I have been commuting many weekends into Toronto to work and am always jarred by the difference and have trouble adjusting back into the slowed, more natural pace of life after a weekend in the city. I feel a bit like I'm still in between places and look forward to when that will not be the case.

On a deeper level, the sudden removal of all that is familiar has been unsettling and it has been hard feeling like the 'newbie' in a place again. I also feel like I have been on a "prolonged retreat" in a way...not so many distractions....so things just surface I guess. I think it has been a good thing, but not always so easy.

One major perk has been the steady stream of friends and family coming in and out. I have really enjoyed offering people a little break from city life....

Tonight hopefully I will plant my herb garden, finally!

So this has been long. I will try and post some pics of life soon.

That's it that's all.
peaceo,
-jc

the town I'm from

Hellooooo Blogger land.

I feel like it's been forever since I've blogged. I am only writing now because I am in Ottawa and have full access to the Internet for the first time in over a month...wow...it's like I've been living in the dark ages or something.

So I'm here in Ottawa on a very quick trip that I wish was longer. I'm thinking right now of dear friends...the Rochelle and Mike and Jim and Sues and Jen and Andrew and Marcia and others. People I hope I do see very soon. Thankfully i was able to head up to beautiful Wakefield to see Krissy and the kids who are growing like crazy and making me feel so old! They are turning into such amazing people. It is good to see old friends.

It has been so nice to be here in the height of springtime, daffodils popping up on every corner, tulips of every imaginable colour literally adorn the city, the bright greenness of everything makes all of nature here look like it's bursting at the seams with life. Spring. I have even had a moment or two of sheer pleasure. The kind of moment where you are walking along and every problem, concern, anxiety, and thought is suspended in time and the only thing that exists in the entire universe is just me, the only sound are my footsteps on the path in front of me, the only sight is the purple little flowers poking out of the grass and the only feeling is the warmth of the sun on my face....and then it's gone. But those moments are so few and far between. I consider them pure gift. It has been a great few days.

It was my Dad's birthday, and my sister and niece and nephew were down to celebrate, so I decided to come a little late and celebrate with them. A good time was had by all. Tomorrow I head back to Guelph the train, which is way too exiting for a greyhound junkie such as myself.

For some reason this trip has been particularly nostalgic for me. I have found myself walking around and thinking about some of the really good years I spent in this neighborhood. Some of the more care-free and truly happy times of my life (with some bad days sprinkled in there, of course). Thinking a lot about all the different people that filled those days. I think for the first time I have started to miss things about my life here, or that time of my life, or the past. I felt like all the familiar places were filled with the ghosts of people I havent seen in years. Although it's been a great few days, I feel a certain definite kind of sadness. I'm not exactly sure what it's about. Maybe it's a saying goodbye to the past and kindof wishing it werent over. Maybe it's a kind of letting go. This is the city I grew up in, after all. There is a lot of myself in this place. Sometimes I forget....and then it just hits me.

Right now I am wondering why I can hear what sounds exactly like a lawnmower at 1:45AM. This place may be pretty but very strange sometimes.

Anyway, I will soon give a Guelph/life update but it's way too late at night and time for me to go to bed or something like that.

Hope you are doing well, whoever you are out there.

PBC's

Peanut butter cups rock.

Yeah... really really tasty. And thats all I'll say about that.

"Nothing happens,
and nothing happens,
and then everything happens."
-Fay Weldon

Isn't that always the way, though?
It is 5:45 am on Easter Sunday morning. I won't get into the details of why I am up at such an ungodly hour, but don't worry it really isn't very exciting at all.
I know this is a lame entry. I'm really tired, and have a headache and don't have much to say even though there are a million things swimming around in my head. Some important, some unimportant, some completely moronic, some just kinda bobbing along the surface irritating the snot out of me. But I stop and pause before I begin to spew them all out on this blog. No, not smart. Mmmm yes...the good old World Wide Web.

There is a question right now is repeating itself over and over in my head. I am sure thousands before me have asked it since the dawning of time itself. Sometimes, even on a blessed Easter morning such as this, it can come down to this one simple question:

"Is life just one damn thing after another?"

So it'll be a curmudgeonly Easter morn after all. But in the end folks, it's all good in the hood.
Word.

Ode to Dufferin Grove Park

I'm moving out of Toronto in 5 days!!! Holy crap. Anyway, I, like you Ltk, am getting all retrospective on Toronto now that I'm leaving the city. Funny how that works. This post is dedicated to one of the places in the city I will miss frequenting the most. It's Dufferin Grove Park, of course! I have spent many a happy afternoon lounging around this friendly little piece of Toronto. I've sat under it's tall trees revelling in Spring, I've had wine with dear friends on fall evenings, I've stared up and the night sky during a lunar eclipse in the winter, I've talked, laughed, biked, argued, read, written poetry, purchased organic goods in this sweet, loving place. Arguably the best Park in Toronto (definitely the best farmers market) . So here's to you, Duffy! Thanks for all the goodness!

Everything coming up Roses?

Fare-well Toronto!!

So here's the latest: It's been six years in the big smoke and I'm moving on. That's right, in approximately 2 weeks I'll be an official "Guelphite". Hoorah! As much as I do love the big city, These days I'm loving' the little city a whole lot more. Who woulda thunkit?? The sense of relief I feel as I step off the GO bus/Greyhound and arrive at the Guelph station is hard to explain but makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Have I found a home? (or have i turned into a giant cheese-ball?) It remains to be seen, but regardless, I'm pretty stoked about the situation as it stands right now. The Donald and I have found a lovely apartment with a little yard in the back (where I can finally plant a herb garden) on a truly gorgeous street Downtown. I also have the added bonus of a full and steady supply of organic produce at my disposal courtesy of Don's superior farming skills and the nurturing soil of the Ignatius Farm. Aaand....I also have a potential job opportunity in Guelph that just plopped in my lap. Could life get any better?

It's probably not fair for me to say that it is "Goodbye Toronto" completely, as the other news item is my recent acceptance into the Early Childhood Music Education program with the Royal Conservatory of Music/Ryerson University! Hoorah! This was a bit of a stroke of luck (and a great reference) for which I am very thankful. It means that I will be doing a commute into the city quite often over the next couple of years. How often is yet to be seen. I fear I shall become far too well acquainted with the GO buses and trains. Sometimes I feel just like that Ron Sexsmith Song: "All our lives we wait on trains". Truth is, I do have a certain fondness for locomotives. Apparently so does my three year old niece. (We have the joy of Train and Bus riding coursing through our veins inherited from my nan and pop. They LOVED riding the bus!)
So it's not really good-bye, dear T.O...just... 'see you around and less often'. I know, I know...now all you Torontonians can breathe a collective sigh of relief that you won't be losing Julia Churchill completely. That would be a tragic, tragic loss. har har.

All that being said, I am now in packing modes and not doing very well at it, admittedly. Who wants to pack when it's finally springy, sunny and warm out (or at least not frigid)? It's a bit of a problem. Whenever I do get around to it I end up picking up an old journal out of a box and then it all goes to hell in a hand basket. So far I have read three full journals from yesteryear. I have to say it is disturbing to read my inner most thoughts and feelings as a 21/22 year old. That's 10 years ago now...what a mind warp. At moments while I was reading it I literally had to smack myself in the head for the sheer stupidity of some of it. It was embarrassing...to ME!! I will never read it again. Sometimes I wonder why I keep the darn things. Why do I keep those heinous journals?? This is something worth looking into....

But I digress.

Today as I was ambling around Queen street west, drifting in and out of stores, amazed at the warm air hitting my face as I biked through Trinity Bellwoods park.... I thought to myself how crazy it is that I am actually preparing to leave this big, bad, busy, beautiful-in-it's-unique-way city. But I am so ready. I'm beyond ready. To quote the immortal Dylan:

"well the times, they are a' changing".

that's all for now.
Peace and Happy St. Paddy's day!
-Julia

A little bit o' Paris in Guelph, Ontario!

My new cafe in my new (soon-to-be) town! Oooo, la la.

(image: www.cooltownstudios.com/images)

Shadows can be annoying

Done sometime early Feb on a particularly lonely week. And the funny thing is that I meant to post this on my comic blog but made a mistake. Whoops!! I think I'll just post on on both. Arg.

Ash Wednesday and henri

Hidden Greatness

There is much emphasis on notoriety and fame in our society. Our newspapers and television keep giving us the message: What counts is to be known, praised, and admired, whether you are a writer, an actor, a musician, or a politician.

Still, real greatness is often hidden, humble, simple, and unobtrusive. It is not easy to trust ourselves and our actions without public affirmation. We must have strong self-confidence combined with deep humility. Some of the greatest works of art and the most important works of peace were created by people who had no need for the limelight. They knew that what they were doing was their call, and they did it with great patience, perseverance, and love.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This one is Henri Nouwen again. I post this one as it has been something I have been struggling with a lot this week. Just feeling very much like a big faker with my dreams and the doing of 'my art' and having one of those stretches of time when I feel like everything I write or create or try and do is just pointless and dumb and too small and misdirected and this voice keeps yealling at me: "who am I to think of my self as any kind of artist when I'm struggling to really produce anything of real value" (how does one evaluate, really). It's strange as I thought I had kind of conquered this feeling since it hasn't reared it's ugly head in a very long time. I mistakenly thought I had killed it. So that is part of my disappointment. I think it was triggered by some comments I heard recently from a couple of completely unrelated sources talking about what constitutes a "real artist" and terms were being thrown around such as: emerging artist, producing artist, product, working artist.... There were others that I can't quite recall at the moment. I just remember feeling about 1 inch tall afterward, as I don't really consider myself "producing" much of anything - for the "market", anyway. Funny thing is, before letting these things get to me....I was loving just allowing myself to play around with things and experiment.

In writing this I know that I tend to get ahead of myself and also be hard on myself when I should be much much gentler. This quote reminds me that the little things do matter, that it doesn't matter if I am the only one who is aware of my awkward secret fumbling toward the dreams. What matters is that I do what I feel I should do, regardless of what anyone else thinks, or knows or says or whatever. Sometimes I just get so frustrated when shit like this gets to me.

I am thinking that this is a discipline to cultivate: "strong self-confidence combined with deep humility".

So this is my Ash Wednesday confession.
And now I am off to Kitchener.
Peace,
-Julia

The spiritual life as gigantic mystery....

"Truth Does not need to be defended, but there needs to be an openness to be a part of the dance. Meditation teaches us how to do this. We dive below the labels knowing they can't hurt us, we are okay with being offended, we don't just open the door to let some fresh air in, but jump out the door to find we have wings. We jump in, we dance, we stop looking at our beliefs to something deeper: The heart unified in Love."

-Cynthia Bourgeault


"For fifty years we should stop talking about God and call it the Holy Mystery, until we have a better, deeper understanding of what it is we are talking about."

-Karl Rahner


And here is the quote of the week (mine, anyway):

"My deepest me is God."

-Catherine of Genoa

ComicJulia

Hey there,

So I started another blog dedicated to weird little comics that I have begun drawing about my life. It's pretty bizarre and random. I started drawing them as a kind of therapy to express things I couldn't or didn't want to write out or talk about, and also to make light of some of the hard stuff - or just draw life...so you've been warned. Yes, in case you are wondering, these days I do have too much time on my hands. Anyhoo, it's kind of grown into something I do a lot of the time so I decided to post them just for fun and to share. As an old friend of mine once said "comics are for sharing"...oh no...whoops...actually he said "smokes are for sharing". Ah well. Same thing. (Please note: I am not a visual artist and I a lot of the time I can't spell.)

check it out: www.comicjulia.blogspot.com

It's like spring again in the city. Nice.
peace out,
-Julia

Borderlands and the recovering creative mind

Hi there.

I steal the term "borderlands" from Max who was speaking of it so beautifully and eloquently this Sunday in his homily (or maybe it would be more accurate to say his "poem"). I was shaken with how much I could relate to the things he was saying. Borderland - the place of endings and beginnings. And sometimes you are right there on the edge waiting for the ending to end and the beginning to begin. It's the half-light at the end of the day and the start of the night...where everything is covered in a weird hazy grayish light and you can;t quite make out the form of things. It's the place I am finding myself in these days....figuratively and literally.
I can't say the borderland has been a bad place, though. Actually, maybe for the first time in my life, I've been enjoying it in my own way.

So I'm making my plans to leave Toronto. Thought I would be moving at the end of this month, and then plans went awry and turns out I will be here now until April. It was mainly disappointing as I was planning on spending time in Kitchener with Kate in her first month of 3rd baby motherhood to help her out and spend time with the family - and be the un-official "Doula". I guess it will just have to be put-off for the time being.

In the meantime, I have been working pretty rarely, picking up the odd relief shift at a couple of shelters and penny pinching quite a lot. It's funny as I keep making the decision to walk EVERYWHERE (instead of spend the 2.75 for the TTC) and then wonder why in the world I am so tired at the end of the day. I have the tendency towards impatience so it has been good training for me not to have all the answers right now and have to wait. I would get into more details but that would be boring so I'll save those for another time.

In the midst of biding time I have been going through the beginnings of a kind of creative recovery/exploration thanks to Lisa.L. and with the help of The Artists Way. In conversation with Lisa over breakfast 3 weeks back I was telling her that I wanted to start some kind of "creative group" to get together with other folks and talk things creative, and our creative journeys/dilemmas to which Lisa replied "oh, I already started one 2 weeks ago!". So a little group of us have been meeting for breakfast early Tuesday mornings to go through 12 weeks of Julia Cameron's book, The Artists way. Happening upon this has been incredibly timely for me - in Julia Cameron-speak, that's, like, total "synchronicity"! One of the many examples of random stuff I've been doing: Today I wrote a letter from my 80 year old self to my present self as one of my tasks...I was tempted to write it out here it was so super inspiring to me...but think I might wait on that. I also wrote a letter from my 8 year old self. Anyway, so far going through this process has been incredibly eye opening for me on many levels and I feel like I am finally gaining ground in terms of recovering my poor lost artist (I think I dropped her somewhere between the Catholic worker and the 108 homeless men I was looking after....d-uh).

It is also forcing me to face some things I probably would have left in hiding otherwise. The process of doing that has been incredibly freeing if sometimes uncomfortable. I am actually feeling comfortable with myself again, unapologetically. And I keep making cartoon strips of my life just for fun which I find quite hilarious and extremely fun. It's strange the surprising things that have popped up. It's been a lot of fun. I've just said fun a whole lot. I must be having fun.

Speaking up fun, I need to go to the gym. hip hip......not happenin'.
peace
-jc (same initials as Jesus Christ and Julia Cameron!)