name day silences

You observe another year
of your life
pass by,
and you marvel
from your hearts deep silence
as you gaze back
at the beaten path,
with all its destruction,
and searing pain,
which forced in you
a new,
vulnerable growth
that you never wanted
or asked for.

Seemingly,
now on this of all days,
the world suddenly offers you a present.
It lifts you gently out of the dark void
so that your squinting eyes
must slowly adjust
to this new light.
and the ears of your ears
must listen attentively
to these new,
emerging
sounds.

The world has finally taken pity,
if only for awhile,
extends its unfamiliar hands,
and invites you in from the cold.
It wraps you up in a warm blanket -
like a gift.

The world tells you:

"For right now,
in this moment,
you are alright,

you can lay your head down,
you can rest your mind,

It's O.K."




"You have to sit in the very bonfire of your distress, and you sit there till it's burned away, and it's ashes, and it's gone."   -Leonard Cohen

Seasons don't wait

Its strange to sit
and watch spring emerge,
to see the land wake
from it's long sleep,
when everything is at its brightest,
most beautiful and alive,
bursting with a vigour,
a rush,
an invisible pulsating force.
Its strange to sit
on the park bench
amid this incongruity
between the inner and the outer
when the heart
still endures
its own impossible winter.
Still imprisoned,
slightly frozen,
struggling to free itself
from the surrounding ice floes.

I watched two red winged black birds
playing like children,
tumbling through the air,
while the children themselves
laughed
and clapped their chubby hands,
faces turned upward
toward the blinding, perfect sun,
The bottoms of their little feet
stained by the greenest,
perfect grass.

These seasons,
just keep spinning
on the never ending wheel of time and history,
yet out of time completely,
only respecting the natural course of things,
over and over again.

They are no respecter of persons.

They don't wait for me to catch up,
or for my pain to recede,
before the jubilant display unveils itself,
and I am left sitting on the bench,
confused at so much joy.

The seasons wait for no one.

But this wont stop me from watching,
as if through the window of a cold room
which I am not allowed to leave,

for the time being.

Bizness

Tune-yards glory:

Note to self:
-loop pedal (and teacher)
-Uke
-2 snare drums
-extremely unashamed vocals
-horns
-pink feather boa.