New Year Poem

a new pathway of discovery
a new perspective
about to reveal itself

I stare straight ahead
straining to see the far view
of course it's obscured
all I have
is the ground underfoot

as I take each tentative step
all I would ask for
is stillness of mind
and courage of heart.

Walking away from the scene

From Claudia Emerson's poem "Aftermath"

'You see, aftermath is easier, opening
             again the wound along it's numb scar; it is the sentence

spoken the second time - truer, perhaps,
             with the blunt edge of a practised tongue.'

the evidence

"Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well poetry is just the ash"

-Leonard Cohen

I came across this quote today and it caused me to wonder whether my life is burning well right now. I feel like it burns with chaos mostly. Mainly the chaos of my own confused mind half the time. And I suppose that is its own unique sort of burning. Some things never change. But the poetry is not coming fast or easily to me at this time, and that bothers me. It could be that I need to exercise some other art form right now. It could be due to the fact that many changes are on the horizon, and the shape of my life is evolving in ways that I did not expect them to....at least not right now. Changes can sometimes turn ones world around. Even the very good and life giving ones. 

The main burning for me right now is that of love - quite unexpected - which I thought had left me behind for good. I had all but resigned myself to a kind of monastic, mostly solitary life. I think up until pretty recently I had convinced myself that I didn't want or need the love of a partner and had become impervious to it. (Truthfully there still is some part of me that feels drawn to the life of a monk) But as of a couple of weeks ago I'm engaged to be married. So that whole nun thing is not gonna happen.

Yes it's true. I'm engaged. For the second time in my life....which feels a little weird. But it feels more right and natural than anything else. More right than anything before, actually. I am beyond floored and thankful that I've actually found someone I know I can't live without, and who can't live without me. Miracles do happen.....right when you least expect them to.

So I guess in some ways my life is burning. Just not with poetry at the moment. I almost feel too full of words that I can't figure out how to concisely express yet. It needs time to settle. I've become somewhat used to life throwing me curve balls - both bad and good - and I know it takes time for me to process these kinds of changes. 

My hope is that the evidence of this joyful time of life transition will show up in my art, in poetry, music....in whatever way. Because I want something to show for the love and gratitude I feel.

There is my September entry. 

Burn it up,

-Julia

dodging bullets

i am so thankful
that i dodged that bullet
that i got away just in time
i am so thankful
i could fall prostrate and kiss the ground
thank you thank you thank you
that i got away
in time to receive
the thing i most needed
i am surrounded by this warmth now
and everything rings true
and i'm not sure why
but today it hit me
and i just have to say
thank you thank you thank you
that i dodged that bullet

What we don't expect

Why does it seem so often that whenever something really good happens in my life, something really shitty seems to follow up directly? Honestly....it's fucking creepy sometimes.

Here is a poem about that kind of stupidity.

----------------------------------

Blindsided Squared

the unexpected shows up
so unexplained
almost outrageous
in its arrival
like a desert oasis
or a flash flood.

Sensory assaults:
heat and cold,
joy and sorrow
caught me unaware
so that I was left blinking, stunned
and tingling.

These are the things we
never expect.
The ones that throw us hard
into the wide open
present
where anything can happen

and nothing
is rote.

question for Robert

“Classic is our daring, classic our cowardice. Classic is our cruelty, classic our charity.” 

― Robert Ardrey, The Hunting Hypothesis: A Personal Conclusion Concerning the Evolutionary Nature of Man

****************

what happened I wonder

in the span of time 

between the Killer Ape 

and the human.

what will happen next?

who or what will lead the way

to our true evolution

without cowardice 

or cruelty?

when will we move past the corpses

finally,

and be known only and always 

by our poems?

hindsight

It was late when she decided
to read through years
of your words,
which are the memories,
which make up the experiences,
which are all that's left
from a wreckage of regret.

She saw with new eyes,
renewed perspective,
intelligence in each phrase and rhythm,
in every rise and fall,
in the cadences and spaces between words,
in each colliding emotion evoked,
in the hope, pain, clear-seeing, honesty, compassion,
terror, relinquishment, veracity, avalanche,
bitterness, courage, opening,
rage, free fall,
beauty.

Hindsight being 20/20,
it was only then that she fully understood -
your words,
separated now from the entanglement,
the wisdom,
as if it was glowing from the page.

It was a good read.

Each phrase reminded her
with deep appreciation
and keen sadness,
whom she loved

and why.