Friday, May 22, 2009

33 in Guelph, ON.

It's 3pm on Friday afternoon and I am sitting in the Red Brick Cafe in Downtown Guelph. Get this - the place has FREE WIRELESS!! Can you believe it??!! Wahooo!

I feel like I've just won the jackpot.

So, I thought I'd try and give a more thorough update on my life since I've been so lackadaisical about it as of late. I have to defend myself though, by saying that not having the Internet has made me lazy about many things, not just blogging. Hopefully I will get my butt in gear and get it soon.

So the first news of the day is....that I turned the dreaded...get ready for it...33 years old this week!! Sweet Mother of God!! 33 years old. Holy Crap. I would put some expletives in here as well...but I think y'all get the point. How can I be nearing my mid thirties when in many ways I still feel like I'm twelve??? What the?! Will I always feel like I'm twelve?? Reminds me of when I was holding a 3 month old infant on my knee yesterday, and he was all slumped over having just fallen straight to sleep, and I was struck with how much he reminded me of an old man. Life is so unreal that way...we return just as we came: bald, tiny, dependant, diapered and slumped over. I wonder if it's God's funny little joke to him/herself.
And on that happy note.....I just spilt my coffee over my keyboard. Arg.

Guelph: small city or mid-sized town?

My answer: Mid sized town.
Maybe I'm a bigg(er) city snob, but there is no way that this place can be classified as a "city". Yes, it's a fun town that has a decent bookstore - two actually, a few good coffee shops, some great restaurants, a library, a little downtown and cool stuff going on....but it is most definitely NOT a city. My guess is they call it a city because of the suburb sprawl that has accumulated at a very fast rate over the past ten years. But that's what it is: suburb - not city. I don;t care if it has 115,000 people living here. Most of them live in a suburb. And the downtown core where I live, is the center of a mid-sized town with a University - not a city. Doesn't the word "city" conotate "urban"?? Why do the miles and miles of suburb classify as "city"? I'm not sure why this distinction gets to just does. But I guess the same can be said for a lot of other places in the GTA, namely, BRAMPTON (God, what a horrible horrible place). I think that there should be a rule that suburbs should be called something"Lego pre-fab ugly as sin housing next to (insert name of mid-sized town here)". Yeah.

Sorry for the tangent. It's hard to put into words in a blog what has been happening to me since I moved to Guelph. Some of the most obvious things are the feelings of being surrounded by the natural world. Tree's seem so generous and all pervasive here. And birds are tweeting everywhere and so much more noticeably then anywhere I have lived before. You drive or ride your bike a little ways in a certain direction and you are literally surrounded by fields and forests. It's amazing to me and has been slowly shifting my way of being. I have been commuting many weekends into Toronto to work and am always jarred by the difference and have trouble adjusting back into the slowed, more natural pace of life after a weekend in the city. I feel a bit like I'm still in between places and look forward to when that will not be the case.

On a deeper level, the sudden removal of all that is familiar has been unsettling and it has been hard feeling like the 'newbie' in a place again. I also feel like I have been on a "prolonged retreat" in a way...not so many things just surface I guess. I think it has been a good thing, but not always so easy.

One major perk has been the steady stream of friends and family coming in and out. I have really enjoyed offering people a little break from city life....

Tonight hopefully I will plant my herb garden, finally!

So this has been long. I will try and post some pics of life soon.

That's it that's all.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

the town I'm from

Hellooooo Blogger land.

I feel like it's been forever since I've blogged. I am only writing now because I am in Ottawa and have full access to the Internet for the first time in over a's like I've been living in the dark ages or something.

So I'm here in Ottawa on a very quick trip that I wish was longer. I'm thinking right now of dear friends...the Rochelle and Mike and Jim and Sues and Jen and Andrew and Marcia and others. People I hope I do see very soon. Thankfully i was able to head up to beautiful Wakefield to see Krissy and the kids who are growing like crazy and making me feel so old! They are turning into such amazing people. It is good to see old friends.

It has been so nice to be here in the height of springtime, daffodils popping up on every corner, tulips of every imaginable colour literally adorn the city, the bright greenness of everything makes all of nature here look like it's bursting at the seams with life. Spring. I have even had a moment or two of sheer pleasure. The kind of moment where you are walking along and every problem, concern, anxiety, and thought is suspended in time and the only thing that exists in the entire universe is just me, the only sound are my footsteps on the path in front of me, the only sight is the purple little flowers poking out of the grass and the only feeling is the warmth of the sun on my face....and then it's gone. But those moments are so few and far between. I consider them pure gift. It has been a great few days.

It was my Dad's birthday, and my sister and niece and nephew were down to celebrate, so I decided to come a little late and celebrate with them. A good time was had by all. Tomorrow I head back to Guelph the train, which is way too exiting for a greyhound junkie such as myself.

For some reason this trip has been particularly nostalgic for me. I have found myself walking around and thinking about some of the really good years I spent in this neighborhood. Some of the more care-free and truly happy times of my life (with some bad days sprinkled in there, of course). Thinking a lot about all the different people that filled those days. I think for the first time I have started to miss things about my life here, or that time of my life, or the past. I felt like all the familiar places were filled with the ghosts of people I havent seen in years. Although it's been a great few days, I feel a certain definite kind of sadness. I'm not exactly sure what it's about. Maybe it's a saying goodbye to the past and kindof wishing it werent over. Maybe it's a kind of letting go. This is the city I grew up in, after all. There is a lot of myself in this place. Sometimes I forget....and then it just hits me.

Right now I am wondering why I can hear what sounds exactly like a lawnmower at 1:45AM. This place may be pretty but very strange sometimes.

Anyway, I will soon give a Guelph/life update but it's way too late at night and time for me to go to bed or something like that.

Hope you are doing well, whoever you are out there.