Sunday, December 11, 2005

If you can't take the heat.....

than stop reading.


It's amazing how difficult it is to have a blog when you live in community.


I'm realizing as I write this that
a) I'm paranoid that someone may walk in here at any moment and see what I'm doing
b) any sense of being anonomous (i have no clue how to spell that word) is now gone like the wind - I can even feel it as I write this. which is really kindof sad. for me. It's killed the fun...of just expressing...but it is on the "world wide web" so it is my own fault. I awknowledge that.

that being said I will try my best to pretend that people I live with have not read this thing....and try to vent as much as i am able.
A note to those reading this who live with me: and if you live with me and you are reading this....if you must....one request... please try and pretend that you are not reading about me....like - this is someone else....let's call her...."Beulah"....beacsue i want to still maintain some freedom in this. Some sanctity.
oh ya - one more thing - I dont want to know if your reading this. So please don't tell me if you are.
thanks. ;)

So - all of the sudden I feel very uninspired.

Anyone who may be reading this - who doesnt live with me - this is a little window into what it is like to be living very closely with many people...in intentional community. Welcome to the jungle.
It's not conducive to blogging.
because for some reason - even though we are surrounded with each other 24-7....we STILL want to read each others blogs!? And to think - that we barely have any privacy to begin with!!!!!!!!!!

when one really stops to think on this...it's pretty warped. Sometimes I wonder if maybe we could use a little less "intention".
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This is exactly how I feel right now:
COuld you intentionally intentionally intentionally. keep your dirty little wiggly fingers to yourself. leave me alone alone alone because the earth is ablaze and spinning and reeling and how how how is it that all anyone can think about is body and sweat and the lust of the eyes and fading fading fading beauty that never lasts longer than that...never longer than the evaporation .....please please I am not a bulwark I am a tottering fence and I need space to breath...deeply...and I am not so strong. Fuck.
because the earth is on fire and me along with it. I am not a wellspring. I am not something to be trampled. i have no resources left. none. I am empty. There is nothing here. There is nothing to draw. So get what you need somewhere else.
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"I will make all things well. I can make all things well. I shall make all things well. And all shall be well".

2 comments:

sequesthered said...

My friend made a new blog to complain about her roommates and put it under a secret name.

You could even write funny fictional stories on this one about weird things that you wish you did.

hulia said...

good idea...i may have to resort to that. For real.
peace sistah.
-julia